Archive for the school Category

The Killers.

Posted in life, music, school on 29 September, 2008 by Katie Carroll

Brandon Flowers. He’s so beautiful.

I should be writing about the midterm I just completed. It was for my Introduction to the Oceans class, which is a lame 2-unit monstrosity that tries to reconcile the complex (hadley cells, density stratification, and the like) and the mind-numbingly easy/boring (plate tectonics, the structure of a water molecule, discovering Hawaii).

Unfortunately, the midterm kind of sucked. There were too many diagrams to label, too many sub-sections, and too few minutes to complete it in. So I am putting it behind me. Worst case scenario, I take a B- and switch the class to pass/no pass. No big deal.

On a totally separate topic, the Killers are coming to the Warfield in San Francisco on October 21st. I heard about it yesterday around 4:00, and tickets had gone on sale yesterday at 10:00 am. While I was quick to discover that Ticketmaster pulled a fast one and only sold an incredibly amount of tickets, which meant that they were already up to about $90 on other ticketing sites by the time I found them, I was happy to note that their new single is AWESOME. It’s called “Human”, and to me is reminiscient of “Read My Mind” from Sam’s Town and a bit of Hot Fuss. It follows typical Killers fare, both with the electro-pop keyboard stylings and the lyrics that are at once poetic and odd.

I love how their lyrics require a considerable amount of interpretation for them to even make sense. “Human” seems to query “Are we human/or are we dancer?”, which makes, at first glance, no sense. Besides the neanderthal-talk (me human, you dancer) and elimination of the plural, why in God’s name aren’t humans also dancers? And vice versa? But Brandon and the gang redeem themselves with my favorite verse:

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Hear my regards to soul and romance
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
It taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye, wish me well
You’ve gotta let me go

Can’t really say why that part speaks to me. But I think it’s a great personification of all the typical aspects of a relationship. Maybe Brandon is asking himself whether his current romance is really soul-affecting, really a connection between two full-fledged emotional humans, or just a physical, surface-level dance.

I love the Killers, is all I have to say. It’s a shame Brandon Flowers is Mormon, because that creeps me out. But they make dang good music, at least in my opinion. You just have to look past the synthesizers.

The Killers, "Human"


The fog.

Posted in life, school on 9 September, 2008 by Katie Carroll

I don’t really know why I called my post “The Fog”, other than the fact that it has been foggy all day. Maybe it’s because I’m in a serious mental fog at the moment–I have an incredible amount of things to do (one of which I’m not even able to because I didn’t buy the book in time), and yet I can’t seem to concentrate.

I’ve spent about three hours today at a coffee shop, nursing two chai teas and still not getting to actual work. I started reading for Poli Sci 3, but it’s all statistical theory and deadly boring. And now I should be writing about Bush’s announced removal of 8000 troops from Iraq, but even that seems too challenging (it’s not).

I wish I had something more interesting and intelligent to say. I don’t.

The transition.

Posted in friends, life, music, school on 8 September, 2008 by Katie Carroll

To the extent that this has somewhat morphed into a Golden Overtones blog (see how infrequently I post, and how boring my summer was?), I guess this post should really be called ‘The End’. I had my audition yesterday, and I was proud of it. Was it perfect? No. But I had a crazy sore throat, and no audition is completely seamless. But I did everything I could think of to extend myself beyond my normal boundaries; I tried to talk to all the girls auditioning, I made eye contact and focused on facial expressions, and just generally tried to appear more confident. And once again, I made it to the top five, the last round… and wasn’t picked. This time, two of the five of us had been in the group before.

I’m done with the Overtones. I don’t plan on going to any of their concerts, or seeing them on Sproul, or anything else. I feel so upset, sad, and confused, because I feel like they encouraged me so much and I had really tried to meet the challenge. And I am proud of my growth, and think I illustrated at least some of it yesterday. I just don’t know what to do at this point, because I feel so empty without singing, and I miss the choral experience in particular. It’s been my life since I was about seven, and that’s a hard thing to lose. I can physically feel it in my throat when I think about how much I miss it; it feels like I have a thirst that can’t be quenched.

This is all part of a larger feeling of inadequacy and disconnection. I’ve been thinking about my possibility of participating in the UCDC program, and can’t help but focus on my astoundingly empty resume. And I still haven’t made progress in expanding my circle of friends here, and I still know a total of two people on my floor (my roommate, and my friend from my floor last year). I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and I don’t know why I have so many flaws and everyone else seems so….put together.

Today really feels like fall. I woke up and saw the grey sky, and it pretty much matched my bleak mood. But I actually love this weather–and it feels much more like the Berkeley I understand and know. So maybe it’s a sign; maybe with the changing weather, I can stop trying to change myself to conform to someone else’s vague standards. I think now may be the time to turn off the inner critic (or at least lower the volume) and stop condoning my self-labeled shyness. I’m comfortable being alone, and quiet, and introverted, and I think I need to start finding ways to redirect those labels. I can be introverted without avoiding all human contact. I think the Overtone rejection and my following reaction shows that I shouldn’t try to be something I’m not. I’m never going to be able to ‘ham it up’, and be incredibly outgoing and in-your-face. But I think I can find a middle ground that is authentic and will actually help me grow.

The faux friendship.

Posted in friends, life, school on 5 July, 2008 by Katie Carroll

I don’t know whether I’m frustrated with myself or with other people. It’s obviously both–but I guess I’m thinking a lot about going back to school and it has become exceedingly clear that I didn’t make the type of connections last year that I hoped I would. I have a few friends that I’ve kept in touch with, but most of the people I talked to last year were really just glorified acquaintances. What hurts the most is that my closest friend hasn’t spoken to me at all. And she didn’t even tell me when she left.

I feel so weird about our friendship, because in some ways we’re so alike, and in other ways we’re just too different. There are huge parts of her life I just can’t relate to, and vice versa. I feel like that was the unspoken rift between the two of us for a very long time, and it manifested itself in my own insecurities. I constantly questioned the relationship; I’m a very intuitive person, and I would constantly get the sense that she was irritated or upset with me, and she would always deny it. Was it me? Am I just too self-conscious to have a stable friendship? I don’t really think so. I have great friends here at home.

I really want this to change. I have to keep telling myself that it took several years for my high school group (The Tablemates, we call ourselves) to solidify. I just hope that a new year brings new people and possibilities. Otherwise I don’t think I’ll ever feel settled at Berkeley.