Archive for the music Category

The video.

Posted in music on 29 September, 2008 by Katie Carroll

This just makes me incredibly happy. And it’s filmed in San Francisco. So, in the course of my musical browsing, I will give you a long-time favorite:


The Killers.

Posted in life, music, school on 29 September, 2008 by Katie Carroll

Brandon Flowers. He’s so beautiful.

I should be writing about the midterm I just completed. It was for my Introduction to the Oceans class, which is a lame 2-unit monstrosity that tries to reconcile the complex (hadley cells, density stratification, and the like) and the mind-numbingly easy/boring (plate tectonics, the structure of a water molecule, discovering Hawaii).

Unfortunately, the midterm kind of sucked. There were too many diagrams to label, too many sub-sections, and too few minutes to complete it in. So I am putting it behind me. Worst case scenario, I take a B- and switch the class to pass/no pass. No big deal.

On a totally separate topic, the Killers are coming to the Warfield in San Francisco on October 21st. I heard about it yesterday around 4:00, and tickets had gone on sale yesterday at 10:00 am. While I was quick to discover that Ticketmaster pulled a fast one and only sold an incredibly amount of tickets, which meant that they were already up to about $90 on other ticketing sites by the time I found them, I was happy to note that their new single is AWESOME. It’s called “Human”, and to me is reminiscient of “Read My Mind” from Sam’s Town and a bit of Hot Fuss. It follows typical Killers fare, both with the electro-pop keyboard stylings and the lyrics that are at once poetic and odd.

I love how their lyrics require a considerable amount of interpretation for them to even make sense. “Human” seems to query “Are we human/or are we dancer?”, which makes, at first glance, no sense. Besides the neanderthal-talk (me human, you dancer) and elimination of the plural, why in God’s name aren’t humans also dancers? And vice versa? But Brandon and the gang redeem themselves with my favorite verse:

Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Hear my regards to soul and romance
They always did the best they could
And so long to devotion
It taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye, wish me well
You’ve gotta let me go

Can’t really say why that part speaks to me. But I think it’s a great personification of all the typical aspects of a relationship. Maybe Brandon is asking himself whether his current romance is really soul-affecting, really a connection between two full-fledged emotional humans, or just a physical, surface-level dance.

I love the Killers, is all I have to say. It’s a shame Brandon Flowers is Mormon, because that creeps me out. But they make dang good music, at least in my opinion. You just have to look past the synthesizers.

The Killers, "Human"

The transition.

Posted in friends, life, music, school on 8 September, 2008 by Katie Carroll

To the extent that this has somewhat morphed into a Golden Overtones blog (see how infrequently I post, and how boring my summer was?), I guess this post should really be called ‘The End’. I had my audition yesterday, and I was proud of it. Was it perfect? No. But I had a crazy sore throat, and no audition is completely seamless. But I did everything I could think of to extend myself beyond my normal boundaries; I tried to talk to all the girls auditioning, I made eye contact and focused on facial expressions, and just generally tried to appear more confident. And once again, I made it to the top five, the last round… and wasn’t picked. This time, two of the five of us had been in the group before.

I’m done with the Overtones. I don’t plan on going to any of their concerts, or seeing them on Sproul, or anything else. I feel so upset, sad, and confused, because I feel like they encouraged me so much and I had really tried to meet the challenge. And I am proud of my growth, and think I illustrated at least some of it yesterday. I just don’t know what to do at this point, because I feel so empty without singing, and I miss the choral experience in particular. It’s been my life since I was about seven, and that’s a hard thing to lose. I can physically feel it in my throat when I think about how much I miss it; it feels like I have a thirst that can’t be quenched.

This is all part of a larger feeling of inadequacy and disconnection. I’ve been thinking about my possibility of participating in the UCDC program, and can’t help but focus on my astoundingly empty resume. And I still haven’t made progress in expanding my circle of friends here, and I still know a total of two people on my floor (my roommate, and my friend from my floor last year). I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and I don’t know why I have so many flaws and everyone else seems so….put together.

Today really feels like fall. I woke up and saw the grey sky, and it pretty much matched my bleak mood. But I actually love this weather–and it feels much more like the Berkeley I understand and know. So maybe it’s a sign; maybe with the changing weather, I can stop trying to change myself to conform to someone else’s vague standards. I think now may be the time to turn off the inner critic (or at least lower the volume) and stop condoning my self-labeled shyness. I’m comfortable being alone, and quiet, and introverted, and I think I need to start finding ways to redirect those labels. I can be introverted without avoiding all human contact. I think the Overtone rejection and my following reaction shows that I shouldn’t try to be something I’m not. I’m never going to be able to ‘ham it up’, and be incredibly outgoing and in-your-face. But I think I can find a middle ground that is authentic and will actually help me grow.

The song.

Posted in music on 31 July, 2008 by Katie Carroll

I love the movie Saved. Completely adore it. I may actually go watch it after this, even though I have other stuff to do right now, but that’s besides the point. I absolutely adore the characters in the film, especially because I actually know someone exactly like the antagonist. The similarities are truly frightening.

There’s this one song in the movie that I’ve always liked but have never known the title or artist, and I finally figured it out! We were playing a Coldplay radio station the other day at work, and it all of a sudden came on. The song is called “In the Sun”, and it’s originally by Joseph Arthur. Coldplay and REM’s Michael Stipe did a cover of it for a Hurricane Katrina benefit. And, I have to say, it must truly be miraculous because I deeply hate both Coldplay and REM, so the fact that I like the cover as well as the original is pretty dang impressive. Anyway, it’s a gorgeous song. I’m not really religious, but I do believe in God–and one of the main reasons I do is because I’m lucky enough to have heard music that has to have been inspired by something divine (see William Byrd’s “Ave Verum Corpus”).

Have a listen: Joseph Arthur’s “In the Sun”

Have a look:

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God’s love be with you
May God’s love be with you

I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You cant keep awake

May God’s love be with you
May God’s love be with you

cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
If I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find

I dont know anymore
What its for
Im not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe youre not even sure what its for
Any more than me

May God’s love be with you
May God’s love be with you

The obstacle, and the goal.

Posted in life, music on 4 July, 2008 by Katie Carroll

The last time I thought I was cute was in third grade. I remember because it was the last year I actually liked my school picture: I had a sweet red and blue dress with puffed sleeves, reasonably tame hair, and clear skin with a dusting of freckles. It was undeniably adorable. But besides the fact that this is the last school picture I let remain atop the piano, it also, in my mind, marks the end of an era. It is probably one of the last times I ever felt good about my body.

This serenity was shattered later that year. It was the first time someone ever called me fat, and I still cringe when I relive that moment. As a nineteen-year-old, I can’t remember what life was like before my nine-year-old person entered the world of self-hatred and self-criticism. I’ve lived with it so long and have felt so helpless that I have made myself that way. Apparently I didn’t really start to gain weight until my dad got sick in seventh grade, but to me it always stems back to third.

I know many people who are very content with their bodies, and very confident–and I envy them. Regardless of shape or size, they accept themselves and move forward, which is something I’ve yet to do. I know my weight has stopped me from accomplishing the things I’d like to accomplish, especially because I’m a singer. Too many times I’ve been told “it’s entertainment”, and have lost solos and parts to ‘sexy’ girls, or ‘confident’ girls, or ‘theatrical’ ones. Just as many times I’ve been asked why I don’t “let it all out”, or “open up” on stage. A recent comment sticks in my head the most: “Sell that shit!”, she said. “You sound great, so just sell it to me!”. Maybe if I’d listened, I would have gotten the part.

When I tell people I’m trying to lose weight (I’m currently on Weight Watchers; third time’s the charm?), they always feel the need to tell me that “losing the weight won’t fix everything”. But I’m actually pretty sure it would. Most of my truly disabling flaws stem from being absolutely terrified of asserting myself, and being incredibly shy and body-conscious. And while I don’t think being thin will make me rich, or give me my dream boyfriend, or write my essays, I’m pretty sure I’d feel better about myself.

So here’s my challenge. The girl who told me to “sell that shit” is part of an a cappella group on campus that I have wanted to be in since before I even started college. I tried out, made it to the top five, and didn’t make the slot (they picked the other four girls) because of confidence. I know, because several girls told me. The girl I’ve already mentioned actually called me. So: if I want to be confident, I need to earn it. I need to feel like I’ve done something to improve myself, and I’m on my way. Slowly.

But to me, at least, this all begs the question: why is physicality the measure of worth? It is certainly mine, and judging by a lifetime of experience, seems to be the way of the world. The damaging emotional patterns of a nine-year-old girl were only exacerbated by adolescence, and continue to be strengthened by a harsh world. I know I’m smart, I know I’m a good person, I know I have a lot to offer–but in the end, none of that seems to matter.